


Nowhere to Go

by yankeetooter



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Homelessness, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yankeetooter/pseuds/yankeetooter
Summary: What would happen if Valery made those tapes, but then refused to give up?
Relationships: Valery Legasov/Boris Shcherbina
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	1. Between a Rope and a Hard Place

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a variation from how the miniseries ended. It comes from my heart, and what I am going through right now, so, fair warning, it is not very cheerful.
> 
> Will it end better? The second chapter will show. I'm not sure at this point myself.
> 
> Misha, by the way, is the KGB agent stationed to watch him from across the street.

There. The last tape was finished. Taking a moment to fix one of the tapes that was facing in the wrong direction, Valery carefully wrapped them up in paper, then put the bundle in his dust bin. He cautiously made his way outside, to all appearances simply going to empty his trash can. But once out of sight around the corner from the street, he placed the bundle of tapes in a prearranged hiding spot. Coming back around to the sidewalk in front of his apartment, he stopped to smoke a cigarette and gaze across the street at Misha in his car before slowly returning inside.

\-----------------

The next morning he sat in thought. He had put off thinking too much about his future while he was still recording the tapes, but now he could delay no longer. In fact, the tapes may have already been retrieved. His contact had let him know that they would either pick them up last night or tonight. So he had to decide what to do next, and he had to decide quickly.

Once the tapes were spread around the scientific community, they would come for him. He wasn't sure if they would kill him, or simply ship him off to Siberia, but they would certainly no longer allow him to remain in his comfortable, though lonely, apartment.

He could run...but where to? Moscow wasn't exactly near the border, and he had no car. (That had been confiscated after his stunt at the trial.) No, they wanted him to be where they knew they could find him.

Family? He had managed to get a few messages through to the few relations he had, but none of them were willing to take him in. None of his family understood why he had done what he did by speaking out. They were all outstanding party members, and did not want the stigma of sheltering him, even if the state would have allowed it. So no help there.

And friends? The few who were still on somewhat friendly terms with him were sympathetic, but none offered to help. Most of his acquaintances had been work colleagues at any rate, and they had never liked him. They positively shunned him now.

His mind finally came around to Boris. He had been avoiding the pain that inevitably came when he thought of his love. He hadn't seen Boris in nearly a year, since the trial in fact. But Boris would have helped him; there was no doubt of that. And Boris would have been putting his life in danger as well, so Valery wouldn't even consider the option. But he missed Boris so much his heart ached to think of him.

Which left one more option...Valery turned and stared at the wardrobe door behind which the rope lay. He didn't want to consider this option, but maybe it would be the best thing for everyone. He was sick, wouldn't last much longer anyway. And he had nowhere to go. The KGB might kill him soon, so at least he could thwart them in that by beating them to it. And he did not want to be exiled to Siberia for the rest of his short life. He could hardly stay warm now, and he had never been physically strong. No, perhaps the quick, easy out was the way to go.

Of course, it would absolutely devastate Boris, but the man might not have too much time left anyway. If he was sent away, Boris would have no idea where he was, and they would certainly never see each other again. And if he ran? Even if he found somewhere to run to, he wouldn't dare contact Boris. It would endanger both of them if Boris came to him. So. he simply didn't see any other option.

About two that afternoon, there was a knock on the door. _So soon! He had had no time to make plans!_

It was the KGB, so to speak, but in the person of Misha, which surprised him. Misha came in, handing him the afternoon post. He turned to Valery and said casually, "So, I here you might have some visitors later this evening. And so late too! Not until 10 p.m.! Don't let them keep you up too late, Comrade Legasov, I know you don't sleep well as it is."

Valery stared at Misha. _Boris?_ No, Boris would never tell Misha he was coming, and Misha, even if he found out, would never let Valery know. It could endanger Misha's own well being. And looking now into Misha's eyes, Valery knew. It was the KGB that were coming. He had only a matter of hours to put things in order.

Misha turned to go, then spun around. "Legasov, will you be wanting anything from the deli across the way? They have such excellent food, and I'll be stopping in there tonight and could bring you something. Of course, I'm a later eater, so _I won't be going there to get my dinner until 7 p.m."_

Valery had to stop himself from gaping at Misha. Why had Misha just told him he'd be in the deli at 7 p.m.? Unless...

\-----------------

Valery hurried to prepare, He couldn't really pack any clothes; if caught, that would negate any excuse he made of being out for a stroll. He picked up Sasha, trying not to tear up. Sasha looked at him curiously, then meowed, somehow sensing that he was distressed about something.

"You know I love you, Sasha, but one way or the other, you can't come with me." Sasha nuzzled her owner, as if to say she understood. 

He carried her across the hallway, and knocked on his neighbor's door, who opened it and peered at him. "Elena, you've certainly watched Sasha plenty of times before when I've had to go away." At a nod from his neighbor, Valery continued. "Well, you see, that is, I'm going to be going away permanently (never mind how, he thought), and I was hoping you would take Sasha off my hands. I...I won't be able to take her with me."

Elena looked at Valery, who was desperately blinking back tears. "Of course, Professor! I love your Sasha, and she'll always have a good home with me!"

Valery attempted a half smile while handing Sasha over. Nodding his thanks, he hurriedly turned to go. But it was too late; he burst into tears, and stumbled back to his apartment as quickly as possible.

\--------------

That alone nearly cemented Valery's decision. Sasha had been the last thing enabling him to keep going. Now there was nothing left. All afternoon he sat staring at the wardrobe. He should do it quickly and he should do it soon. But somehow he couldn't. And then it was 7 p.m., and Valery saw Misha enter the deli from across the street.

Valery could never figure out what propelled him out the door that night. But the next thing he knew, he was running down the street. 

\-----------------

He caught the local bus a few blocks away, and rode it to the main bus terminal. His attention was divided between looking over his shoulder at the road behind him and peering at his watch to see what time it was. He became ever more tense as the time approached 10 p.m. and then slowly crept towards midnight. 

_Had he gotten far enough away to get a good head start? Who had seen him running to the bus and might give him up to the KGB when questioned? Where should he head? Where might the KGB expect him to travel to? Boris, of course, would be their first guess. So, Boris was off limits. But where?_

_\------------------_

At about 4 a.m., the bus dropped him off in a small village, the end of the line for that bus, although apparently another one came through the next day that headed further west. But what to do until then? Valery was so hungry! He had brought a half loaf of bread (all he'd had in the house that could be easily carried), but that was long gone. Even once day broke, he wasn't sure he should try to buy food. It would be all too easy for a villager to remember a stranger. No, he'd have to wait until the next bigger town, where hopefully anonymity would help to hide his trail.

Stumbling wearily to a small concrete bench by the side of the road, he plopped down. The night was getting cold, and the light denim jacket he had brought did little to cut the night chill. Reaching in his pocket, he found a few more morsels of bread which he made quick work of, then moving to a more hidden spot among the trees, he tried to get some sleep. 

Waking up stiff the next morning, he watched from his hidden spot until the westerly traveling bus pulled up, then scurried to catch it at the last minute. Tired, dirty, his throat parched and his stomach rumbling, Valery paid the fare and settled back in one of the uncomfortable seats. At least he was under shelter as he traveled and could keep somewhat warm.

To be continued...


	2. Adjusting to a New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valery finds a place to stay, and tries to fit in.

Hours later, the bus brakes squealed as the vehicle came to a stop. And just in time too; Valery's stomach was growling with hunger. But in the middle of disembarking, he came to a stop in the aisle, causing those behind him to grumble. Not far from the bus station was a sedan, with two men in suits standing around, obviously taking note of any traffic through the town.

With a sigh, Valery sank into an empty seat. He had really hoped to be able to purchase some food in the larger town, figuring he could blend in more readily with the townsfolk. Now he would have to wait until the next town which was still two hours or so away.

But when the bus arrived at the next village, Valery was disheartened to see it was every bit as small as the first village where he had spent the night. After learning that there was not another village for some eight hours, he exited the bus and went in search of some food. At least there were no KGB agents here. Apparently they didn't think anyone would want to stop here. Valery could see why.

\--------------------------

Boris heard the news the next day, but not through official channels. One thing about working at the Kremlin-if one kept one's ears open, one could almost always learn the latest news before an official announcement was made.

And the news as astounding...Valery had run! Boris suspected he knew why. His connections had assured him that the tapes had been passed on to friendly hands, but one had been left as a decoy for the KGB to find. Somehow Valery must have got wind of the news that the KGB were coming to "visit" him and decided to take a chance on running.

 _But what chance did the man have?_ Boris was not a betting man (even as a soldier he had never engaged in the poker games going on in camp). but still he would not have given Valery good odds. Not for eluding the KGB, and not for surviving if he did.

Boris sighed. He had to try and figure out where Valery had run to, but he would have to be very careful. Where was he going to find a reason to be combing the countryside?

The answer came the next day, from Tarakanov of all people. Nikolai came to Boris concerned because some higher radiation levels had been found in the countryside around Moscow. Now he was expected to send soldiers out to search every little town and village, and to move the residents as needed.

"But of course the Kremlin is being slow to get me supplies. Apparently they are reluctant to start a panic over the fact that the radiation might be affecting areas this far from Chernobyl." Tarakanov looked at Boris hopefully...

And Boris jumped at his chance. "I could help you with the supplies, Nikolai. In fact, I'm not currently working on anything, so I'll see if Gorbachev wants me to be the liaison for you. That way, he won't have to worry about putting someone on this who doesn't have clearance."

Tarakanov grinned at Boris. "I was hoping you would suggest that, Boris. Let me know when you get Gorbachev's approval."

So the next day found Boris, once again in fatigues, joining Tarakanov's military units as they bused out of Moscow. _If only I can find Valery before he gets himself in trouble!_

_\------------------------------_

Valery walked the length and breadth of the village (not that it took that long), but there was not one place to stop and get a meal. There was a butcher shop, but he couldn't very well eat raw meat. There was a bakery, but they were just closing up for the day, the owner having sold all of her wares.

"Come back tomorrow, eh? I have some nice baked bread, and some beautiful pastries!" the store owner said, eyeing Valery's plump physique. "You like the pastries, yes?"

Valery blushed and nodded. Right now he'd settle for some stale bread heels, but there was nothing to be had and at this rate, he felt he might succumb to starvation before the next morning. Trudging down the dusty road, he headed for the nearest farmhouse. Maybe they would take pity on him and feed him.

At the first house, the lady who came to the door took one look at him and brandished her broom at him, slamming the door in his face. The owner seemed more friendly at the second place he stopped, but she sadly explained that she barely had enough to feed her young children, her husband and her three strapping sons. Seeing Valery's utter look of dejection, she said, "But continue down the road a little further. There's another farmhouse, and they need some help. Maybe they will feed you in exchange for work?" Valery nodded his thanks and headed in the direction she indicated. He didn't know a thing about farm work, but he would do his best. Maybe they would want someone to test the acidity of their soil?

He almost got the door slammed in his face again, but managed to blurt out something about doing some work for food. This farm wife looked at him skeptically. He was dressed casually, not in a suit, but there was no mistaking the physique of a man who spent his time indoors reading and studying. One look at his hands had her shaking her head regrettably. Valery's hands were soft, unmarked by hard labor. She started to close the door again.

"Please!" Valery said, smiling his shy smile. "I haven't had anything to eat in 24 hours! I may not know much about farm work, but if you show me, I can learn quickly." The lady shut the door, and Valery turned to go, but she was back in a few seconds, this time with half a loaf of bread in her hands which she handed to a ravenous Valery.

"Here, eat this. You look like you're going to collapse. I'll go get you a pair of coveralls so you don't ruin your clothes." She was gone only a few minutes, but Valery was already done eating by then. She nodded approvingly. "You'll have to sleep in the barn. There's simply no room in the house, but there's warm hay in the loft." You get breakfast and dinner. Lunch is whatever you save from your breakfast."

Valery nodded his agreement around his last mouthful of bread. Apparently he hadn't just found a meal; he'd found a job! He hadn't necessarily planned to stay, but he really didn't have any better options. He followed his benefactor as she walked him around the small farm, showing him where the various farm implements were. He blanched a bit when she took him in the barn to see the cows. The stench was unbearable!

Seeing his face, his employer assured him, "That'll get better when you've finished mucking the stalls out. We just haven't had enough hands to get it done regularly. Now, grab that pail. I'll show you how to milk the cows."

Later that night Valery dropped into the clean hay in the loft, more exhausted than he'd been in a long while. His body hurt, his hands were sore and his neck was sunburned. But he'd had a good dinner and could go to sleep with a roof over his head. He really couldn't complain, or at least so he thought until a few minutes later when his allergies kicked in and he started sneezing repeatedly from the hay dust in the air. Thankfully, his weariness won the battle and he finally drifted off to sleep. He dreamed of Boris, who was once again in fatigues, and was looking for him everywhere: behind trees, in small sheds, and in ditches. He work refreshed, puzzled at the meaning of his dream, but wishing desperately that Boris really was looking for him.

\----------------------

Boris hadn't known there were so many small villages and towns around Moscow. And they were all hours apart from each other! They went through each place thoroughly, testing for radiation levels in the soil, in the air and in the water. The villagers eyed them with suspicion, wondering if they would be chased from their homes like so many other villagers in Ukraine. And sometimes, regrettably, they were. 

Still, Boris helped where he could. No lunar rovers needed around these parts, but he did procure some machinery for a village who had lost their equipment to a freak storm. And other supplies were forthcoming whenever needed. Overall, the villagers came to learn that the tall silver-haired man in charge really cared about them.

Boris really did care, but always his eyes roamed everywhere they traveled, keeping a look out for an out-of-place, slightly plump nuclear chemist.

\--------------------

Valery groaned and rolled to his feet, carefully climbing the ladder down to the floor of the barn. One misstep the third day he'd been here had resulted in a sprained ankle, and he'd been laid up for a few days. Fortunately, the lady of the house had taken a liking to him and so still fed him even while he couldn't work. His ankle was better now, but it still pained him somewhat on rainy days.

Over breakfast, Valery paused with one forkful of food halfway to his mouth when he heard the family talking about soldiers who were traveling the countryside, testing for radiation. _What? This near to Moscow?_ But the news brought other concerns. If the military was coming here soon, he'd have to be doubly careful to stay hidden, in case they had been told to keep an eye out for him.

Valery need not have worried overly much. Days of labor outside had tanned him so much his freckles were hardly visible. His clothes were a lot more worn then when he had arrived, despite wearing coveralls. And even though he was still clumsy in general, the hard work and the fresh air had put a confidence in his step that had been rare for Valery in the past. The KGB would have been hard pressed to spot him as he was now. At any rate, he had to muck out the stalls that day, so that would keep him inside, and away from unfriendly eyes, the better part of the day.

\---------------------

Boris sighed, about ready to give up. This was one of the last villages they had not yet visited, and there'd been no sign of Valery. Had he somehow traveled out of the USSR? Or worse, was he laying in a ditch somewhere, having succumbed to hunger, illness or something worse?

Anxious to finish up and wanting to take one more good look around, Boris took a dosimeter and headed towards a large farm at one end of the town. Waving to the owner, he continued around the grounds, taking readings carefully. Fortunately, this village seemed to have very low radiation levels.

Boris had just stopped to lean against a fence and catch his breath when a farm hand walked by across the yard from him, carrying a pail of milk. Even as he watched, the man nearly stumbled. _Poor man must be exhausted!_ Boris hadn't seen any other help around the farm, so everything must fall on this man. Still he looked well fed, the man's plumpness evident even under the coveralls he wore. Boris stared at the man, not sure what had caught his attention. The man was a mess, covered in mud and one boot partly untied. His hat sat askew on his head, and his ginger colored hair peeked out from underneath.

Boris turned to go, but then it clicked. He spun around and ran after the worker, who had just disappeared into the barn.

\-----------------

Valery stopped inside the barn, removing his hat to wipe away the sweat dripping down his brow. He froze when he caught the sight of a tall man in fatigues just entering the barn. Oh no! Had he been sighted? There was nowhere to go though; the barn had only one exit. He looked around frantically, then stopped in shock as the man called out, "Valera!"

The next moment, impeccable Boris, who even at his worst made most men look slovenly, had engulfed his muddy friend in his embrace. Valery felt moisture traveling down his shirt and realized Boris was crying into his neck. "Valera! I thought I'd never find you!"

The two men gazed at each other in mute silence for minutes on end, both thirsty for the sight of each other after so long. Then Boris abruptly pulled away. "Stay here, Valery. I've got an idea."

Valery panicked when he heard Boris returning a few minutes later with another man. What was Boris doing? But he knew there was no way Boris would ever betray him. He exhaled when the other man turned out to be Nikolai. They embraced, then Tarakanov handed Boris a set of keys.

"Wait until after dark, Boris, and stick to the dirt roads. There's a few maps in the glove box that will see you to the border. If you pull off into the trees during the day, you'll foil any pursuit, even if they happen to look out here in the middle of nowhere." Turning to Valery, he embraced the bewildered scientist. "Take care of yourself, Valery. And take care of Boris! I'll remember you two always." And then, that quick, he was gone.

They drove out of town that night. The farm wife, somehow getting wind that Valery was leaving, had packed a large basket of food for them to eat on the road, and rolled up some blankets. "Take care of yourself, Valery! You're no country man, but we'll miss you all the same!"

Days later, Boris and Valery successfully crossed the border into Poland. They still had to be careful until they got further west, but the most dangerous part of their journey was over. 

Valery sighed happily. He didn't even know where they would end up. All he knew was that he was with Boris now, and somehow, as long as they were together, everything was going to be alright.


End file.
